Michelin just revoked my 3 stars and replaced them with 3 fire extinguishers

I tried to cook yesterday. Bake really. Actually, all I managed to do was turn the stove on. How hard can that be? Note to self: in the future, do not put flammable oven mitts in the lower broiler just inches from an open flame. The pizza I had been planning on cooking stayed in the freezer while the charred and flaming oven mitts were first doused with water then run down the stairs to be dumped on the sidewalk to the amusement and consternation of the mail lady, cable guy, and various passers by. I met a lot of my neighbors in the building as they stuck their heads out to see if the apartment really was on fire or if I was just trying to cook again.

This morning I found six takeout menus in front of my door. Subtle.

    • admin

      Oh sure, it’s all fun and games until someone loses a pair of oven mitts…which begs the question shouldn’t oven mitts be flame resistant? These suckers kept burning even after I poured water on them. I think they were just heavy duty cotton or something. I took pictures of what was left. Just charred rags by the end.

      Reply
      • stillnotbored

        They used to make flame resistant oven mitts. Asbestos was the bachelor’s best friend. Now you have to go to places like Bed, Bath and Beyond and get special silicon oven gloves. I think they might melt, but they won’t burn.

        But yeah, most oven mitts act like couch cushions or a mattress. Getting the fire to go out is almost impossible.

        Reply
    • admin

      I did a quick count and I currently have 33 take out menus in my cupboard (they take the place of cans and boxes and what not). The big question now is do I get a new pair of oven mitts and try again, or just turn off the gas and use the stove as a place to store more menus? Oh, and all those little packages of plastic knives, forks, salt, pepper and a napkin that you accumulate with every order

      Reply
  1. bonniers

    Oh dear. I’m very sorry to hear that. But why fight the obvious message that the universe is trying to send you? Every yuppie in town wants to be a gourmet cook. I say, let them, and sink into your role as appreciative supporter, ready with a consoling hand and extensive expertise in takeout ordering.

    Will it cheer you up to know that I finished A Darkness Forged in Fire last night, and I loved it? (thanks, , for recommending it!) I’m definitely giving a copy to my father for Christmas. Is Book 2 coming out any time soon?

    Reply
    • admin

      It does feel like the hints are getting more obvious, and I do like the idea of being on call to help all these chefinistas consume the fruits of their hard earned skills in the kitchen. And I do have over ten restaurants on speed dial.

      That does cheer me up, though it does little to get the smokey smell out of my apartment, but still, thanks. Book II, The Light of Burning Shadows, hits stores the end of June 2009 in North America and I believe around the same time in the UK.

      Reply

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