I’ve had occasion of late to think about this and it isn’t pretty when you shine a light into the darker parts of your heart, but I think it’s necessary if a person has any hope of emotional growth. I’m an optimist, but it occurs to me that that in itself comes with challenges. When you believe things will work out there is the danger that you take things for granted and don’t try as hard as you should to make sure they do work out. Perhaps not a big revelation, but taking it to heart has definitely opened my eyes. I don’t want to say my epiphany has come too late (remember, I did say I am an optimist), but I do wish I could have figured this out a little sooner…
Anyway, why this morose post? I had a rough October personally and while I’ve been coping with it my assistant was in a car accident yesterday. I’m beyond thrilled to say he’s going to be ok, but it got me thinking about life, death, and taking things for granted. Again, nothing new or shocking here, just my awakening awareness of how tenuous this life of ours is which in turn has me questioning if I’m really living up to my potential? Not being religious I figure I’ve only got one shot at this so I really should be doing more. I don’t necessarily mean in a quantitative sense, but simply more as a human being.
Hmmm, I have this sudden feeling that you’re sitting on a chair with a note pad while I’m lying on a couch looking at ink blots.
No ink blots here. I have had two very serious health issues over the last 11 years and it sure does put things in perspective.
This is not morose. 🙂
I think that every thinking, reasonably self aware person has an epiphany like this, wondering if they are living their life to the fullest. The push is different for each person. What you do with the self knowledge gained is the important thing.
I always thought I would have time to write “someday”. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was ten or eleven years old, but the ex was not on board with that, so…other priorities overrode my drive to write. I kind of buried that deep.
Then I spent an entire year Thinking I Was Going To Die (tm.) That will snap life into focus right quick. Since I too believe this is the only life I get, I figured I should start living it.
Long story short–without inkblots–life is harder now, but I wouldn’t trade it for the one I had before. The relationship is gone, but I’ve written four novels, I have an agent, a book on submission, and my fifth novel just won an award before I’ve even finished writing it.
As long as there is life, there is hope. Epiphanies are never too late.