The only time I’m on the cutting edge of anything is when I try to slice a banana with a butter knife, but somehow I managed it this time and snagged a pair of the hottest Olympic gear months in advance. I’ve been wearing them everyday, making sure I wave a lot, brush my hair, adjust my glasses and randomly point at things. My invitation to one of those crazy New York parties with models and movie stars is just around the corner…

Ah, the vicarious thrill of watching people younger and fitter than myself has me rockin’ old school this morning after my run.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDtjq0mGVSQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7DFsBcVMDA

Here’s the argument – because Canada and the US routinely crush the opposition (Canada beat Slovakia 18 – 0 and the US beat China 11 – 1) the sport is too lopsided and therefore should be retooled or even removed from the Winter Olympics. Using that logic, should every other sport be equally ‘fixed’ to make it more competitive? Perhaps Usain Bolt should slow down when running the 100m so that the runner from Somewhereastan appears to be more competitive, or at least made to wear lead shoes. How about making Michael Phelps swim in oatmeal so that the other swimmers have a better chance? No? Didn’t think so.

I think my hockey is showing. I hate double standards. The Canadian and American women are at the top because they work their butts off to be at the top. They shouldn’t be punished for that.

1. Less is more. At a tenth of the Chinese budget, Vancouver put on a visually stunning show. Suggestion and imagination filled in for sheer numbers (and I doubt anyone was threatened with re-education camp if they forgot their moves).

2. Less is more. Some of the songs and accompanying acts went on too long. What was enthralling for one minute, engaging for two, and interesting for three became excessive by four and excruciating by five.

3. Less is more. When national anthems are sung in crowds they should actually sound like the anthem and not a smoldering ballad. The girl can sing, too bad it wasn’t O Canada. As a writer, I think you have to know when to rein it in and keep it simple. This was one of those times.

4. Have a theme. The ceremony seemed a bit overly fixated on Vancouver and aboriginals, but they were focused and it fit…save perhaps for the opera turn and manic fiddlers (which I did enjoy).

5. There are times to luxuriate and times to rush. Watching the Mounties walk with the flag was stirring. Watching the white-clad dance line gyrate for an hour was not.

6. I still don’t trust polar bears, but they are cool. I think I’m going to add one to every book from here on out, even the military history books I edit.

7. Orcas are cooler. The breaking ice flow followed by the killer whales was brilliant. That it also appeared to be a comment on climate change was a nice surprise. Visually brilliant and definitely thought provoking.

8. Less is more. If you’re going to give people cameos then make it short, sweet, and powerful. For the most part they succeeded. Seeing everyone from Donald Sutherland to Jacques Villeneuve to Anne Murray carrying the Olympic flag was a proud moment.

9. Less is more. My guess is Matt Lauer and Bob Costas get paid the same whether they prattle on about how great the fiddle music is (as opposed to, oh, just being quiet and letting us listen to it) or just zip it and let the audience enjoy.

10. Less is more. Don’t belabor the obvious. Yes, the Georgian athlete died. It’s a tragic loss for his family, friends, and country, and a shock to his fellow athletes. Acknowledge his loss and move on. This is not and should not be the Olympics about one death. That’s grossly unfair to everyone who’s worked so hard to get here.

11. Colors matter. This much like theme, but colors set tones and feelings much quicker and simpler than a lot of exposition.

12. If you can’t fake it well, then don’t. I guess that’s another way of saying do it right or don’t bother, and yes, I’m talking to every lip-syncing singer out there. Perhaps it’s too their credit that they always sing live and weren’t familiar with the concept.

So I think it’s clear that if you take nothing else away from last night, don’t trust polar bears unless you’re faster than the guy beside you is worth remembering.

Now this is more like it! Another few weeks of this would be great.

It’s not often we get snow like this in New York City. I resisted the urge to go out and wander for as long as I could, but the snow called to me like the cool, seductive vixen she is and my primal urges took over. Before I knew it I was outside and transported back in time to that Canadian kid standing on a drift that seemed as tall as Everest, whooping with glee as the radio announced that school had been canceled because of the snow.

You’d better believe hot chocolate and story time are happening tonight.